May and we are getting April's rains

I thought it was 'April rains brings May flowers' but we seem to be getting rain and rain, which we actually need but it makes it challenging for me to work on weed control in flower beds.  But, then, the grass seed I scattered and that the birds missed finding is starting to grow.
The shake-down camping trip was quiet, not too many people out camping where we were, and the others were at 1 of the other camp sites, there were 4 different sites and we were at the one above the lake dam so had that area to our selves except for people coming down to fish.
I could have been content to just stay there the entire time but Larry found reasons for us to jump into the truck and run to town several times.
We did have some rain, were glad the camper has heat and have a new 'need/want' list for this season, including charcoal and container for it.
This weekend I have 4 days off and hope to get a lot done outside, some done inside and manage to be lazy too. Foot and I are getting along better than a year ago but it will be glad to not be in the brace for a few days.  that brace sure makes a difference for work but I won't say it's ever very comfortable.
And since I am paying for it on a monthly basis, I am very glad to say I still really like and am very glad I bought the newest iPad.  It gets used far more than the desktop or laptop computer but I have decided my 6+ year old router needs replaced with newer and faster one so I can get news and YouTube videos to load better for watching.
Jake's back in Japan but I'm not sure for how long, I plan to e-mail and Facebook him long lists of "mommy wants' but don't expect him to fill them, I keep asking for a new Honda Cub motorcycle and tell him the guys can spread the parts in their gear and then put it back together once they are stateside to resolve the shipping issues.  He's not willing to go bike hunting for me.
His jeep keeps improving, every time I drive it I end up putting some $$ into something, last week it was replace the light bulbs for the license plate since the very nice town police stopped me on the way home from work to let me know they were out.  I also did my truck which I would not have even thought about checking if I had not got stopped with the jeep.  So, no ticket, no warning and jeep has working license plate lights now.  I think windshield and back window wipers was the last time I drove it.
Today I have Crafts and Hand work at the Library this morning so I better get showered, bag packed and go play at the library. 

Friday and a 3 day weekend coming

Today is cool and gray but I will have pulled pork for lunch, it went into the slow cooker after work so I just need to run get some bread and salad stuff to go with it, I can't find the Aspercream stuff I know I own, it should be somewhere in this house and my hands would greatly appreciate it.
The flower beds will get attention this long weekend off and I hope to spend some time working with my vintage motorcycles and at the library being free labor. 
Last night the parking lot at Wal-mart had more than the usual number of semi tractors and my thoughts went west to a man there and time 2 years past.  Dreams and a hard crash into reality for both of us, it's the real world we have to live in, but those dreams helped get me through some of the hardest days of that very long accident recovery.
I am doing far better physically than was expected, I have worked hard for all that recovery and there is a long list of what I can never do, but I am dealing better with that and with finding ways to accept the limits my body now has.
I just can't do as much as I did in the past so I won't have a garden for now but will work on the planting beds and lawn, would be nice to have fewer weeds and more grass for a lawn, would be nice to get my planting beds to look better so that will get attention instead of trying to divide my time and energy between the weeding and watering those planting beds and a large vegetable garden.
And I don't feel guilty or as disappointed in myself if my body needs a rest day instead of getting done all the stuff I have on my 'to do' list.  Being able to stay at my job for as long as possible is the long goal here, to get my debt load paid off, the house paid off, work done on the house and paid for, and so if body says it needs rest, I am not being lazy or moody, I am letting my body get the needed rest so it can keep going to work  and doing the job I am being paid to do.
And there are getting to be more days I don't take anything for pain, so far they don't usually outnumber the days I do need something for pain but that is huge progress from this time last year.  And some times that over the counter pain med is for my hands or for a blasted sinus headache.  The tree pollens have been terribly high this spring and there are a couple I react to.
It's a quiet life for the most part, work, time with the man I date, the library and friends there, books and my small corner of the world but I am ok with it.  I know I made the right choices when it really mattered, have worked hard to correct the poor/wrong/stupid choices from the past but I don't regret the dreams.
I will admit that I miss the friendship I felt I had with Mike, but know it can't be fixed.
For now, I will work on what I do have here, and that means getting something to go with that pulled pork I have in the slow cooker waiting for me today.

Vacation days

It seems I have 8 vacation days to use up in the next 6 weeks, and then we start over again.  And several others in our small dept. have vacation time to get used also so we've been plotting it out on the calendar,.
With only 5 of us we do have to plan and work with each other for that vacation time to work smoothly and to get along.
It also explains why I have worked 4 weeks now with cracked bones in my left wrist, we have 4 weeks of someone on vacation and getting the arm in a cast and not working was not possible, and as the fall happened off work I only needed nursing to look at my arm, bandage the scraped areas and determine I could work.   I would not say we have the most competent medical personal in our plant.

I did manage to space out my days so I can use and enjoy them, hopefully catch up on the outside work needing done here and have some quality time with Larry also.

And as we are also starting to do our vacation days for next year, with a vacation year that goes from June 1 to May 31, I did some looking on the internet and planned for early 2013, like Good Friday, and the first event of the camping season at Clayville, and Friday of Memorial Weekend.   I also grabbed Friday of this coming Labor Day weekend, that is what calendars are for, looking ahead and planning ahead and with 20 days to use, and only 5 of them have to be taken in a group, I can spread them out better than I have this past year.

Most of our dept had put in some vacation slips before I started so I'm ok with the fact that not all are happy with my planning.  It's up to them to look and think about next spring as part of the coming vacation year and as it is not done by seniority, the first request for that date is the one that gets it.

With no vegetable garden here this year to deal with I hope to get the property looking better and have more quality play time with the man I date.  And less stress.   I also do not have a house with a leaking roof and a dishonest contractor to deal with and add to the problems and stress.

And with all that vacation time, I am taking the day we have small claims court off as 1 of my paid days.   I have not yet gotten a copy of any invoices for materials and labor break downs that we requested at the last court meeting, his lawyer is to have furnish that to us in a timely manor...gee, that has been a couple months now, wonder what happened to 'timely manor'.  And in the meantime I do make payments on a huge legal bill that I hope ends up going to the contractor, or at least in part.

Time to eat something for breakfast and then see if the dog and I can remove the spark plug from the mower, empty the oil out and make a 'parts run' so we can get the mower running and I can get some of the mowing done here.  Kid loves to be 'truck dog' and go for rides with me.

Working on Living

Tomorrow would have been my mother's 76th birthday, she passed away just over 13 years ago, my grandmom also passed away just before the start of April 20 years ago now.  So, I do look back at this time of year, at their lives and at what I got from them, that inside stuff.
Grandmom raised me most of my life so she was the bigger influence, my mother I got to know more as an adult but it was not the close relationship she had with my younger sisters.  She raised them, that was part of it, and my jealousy of that was some, and my being a living link and reminder of a past time she wanted to forget added to the mix.
But she taught me to sew and knit, she made me rip out poor quality work, mistakes and do it again until I got it right so I learned a lot that i use all the time from her.
Grandmom gave me my ethics and values and cooking lessons, cleaning lessons and gardening love.
I looked at the problems in my mother's life and what choices my Grandmom made to help guide my life, and to help me try and make better choices.
Now I draw on the strength they gave me to keep working on my life, to keep fighting for what is right, to keep liking my life and liking living my life, despite the challenges.
This time of year is not about eggs and bunnies and all that stuff for me, it's a time I look at the 2 strong women that gave me a lot of who I really am, their lives, their example and their guidance.  A time I look at both the positive and negative qualities of those women and look at who I am, what I do with my life and where I want to keep it going or what changes I need to make in that direction.
Spring is a time of renewal for me, and of renewing my direction and goals and beliefs.

Life and living it

I am working on trying to put my life and my house into better order. That damn accident has made so many things harder for me to do or keep up with, and I have used it as an excuse to let thing go, like the mountains of clean laundry that grow and grow before I finally put it away. The shoes live close to the bed, another untidy mess I am now starting to deal with. But I need to have part of them handy so I decide which pairs live just under the bed and where the others go and then put them away. And I need to work on finances, will sell part of the vacation days I still have, won't use 8 days between middle April and the end of May so selling them soon will help put the finances into better order. I should not have gotten the new iPad but sure like it and am using it a lot. So, sell some vacation time, pay down the bill for the new toy and keep a tight budget until I have some bills paid off. I'm finally almost done with re-caning the Lincoln rocker I picked up last fall. I let it sit for months but finally decided I wanted it done and usable and would not wait until it was warm enough to work outside. It is a wet job and many long hours. I will have over 30 hours into re-weaving the cane seat and back once I am finished but it really looks good and is worth far more than the $35 I paid for it.

It's really Spring here

and this year I won't have a garden but I will put more time and work into the landscaping and dog dug holes among other things.  I started clean up outside today, will work on it Saturday and hope to burn some rubbish if the wind will allow, it's been too windy to burn lately.
It's also time to get the little bike ready for the road and start working on the blue one to see if we can resolve it's issue and have it running also.
Kid is enjoying the time outside with me but he's not staying in the yard, he's not helping me clean up and he is chasing all the feral cats that neighbors keep feeding.
Work is ok, changes in what needs done, how it's done but I am working out a schedule that gets my job duties done and doesn't drive me up the wall.
My big fun this past week has to be Apple and the new release, LOL, have watched Apple for years,own a few Ipods and love to see their ads, their gadgets and what edges they are pushing, and the new Ipad2 that was so hot this time last year, 'its so 2011' and the original Ipad, it's so history, lol.
Apple keeps changing how we do so many things, and what gadgets we think we need.  And I still rarely use that pre-paid Net 10 cell phone, expect people to call the land line, leave a call back number If they want me to call them back...and own a Kindle, a Toshiba laptop, a Toshiba tablet, a Dell desktop computer and will have a new Ipad, back engraved with my name coming when it's shipped, the case for it is already on the way...like I need a new tech toy.
My boys bought gaming systems, 1 was not enough, and I admit to buying them some of those things too.  I buy dolls, yarns, fabric on occasion and tech stuff.  But I still don't need a smart phone, still don't own a mixer, still knit my own socks and do most of my own old house work.
the budget did not need my adding the payments for that Ipad, but as the back will read, My tech toy and my bills to pay.  
and now I need to go earn some of that $$$ I need to use paying all those bills I have

March already?? I hadn't got my list for January done

And now it's March, the ground is wet, the moles are running tunnels like crazy through my little bit of turf, the dog is digging like crazy when and where he can, the place looks like a land mine field.
But I still have a dry roof and a great attic space that needs a huge amount of work and $ but is my hideaway and my sewing space.
We have a local 'bug' going about, stomach/entire digestive tract kind that cleans you out and dehydrates you if a person is not careful.  I shared it with that man I date, who is recovering slower than I am but he wasn't as sick with it, he just doesn't bounce back well.
Foot and I are getting along most of the time, on a 'we tolerate each other' level.  I don't think I will do much garden this year, some is the work, some is wanting more free time for other things and some is that so much doesn't get harvested well.  I seem to have bug battles and hate to use so much insecticide as know with our sand it's soon into the water going down river.
Living alone still works well for me, it's not that I don't think about how life could have been different but I am able to accept what I cannot change and move on with my life.
Jake's enjoying most of this deployment, he's been in Japan, he's been in Thailand, he's met so many people, seen so much, learned so much, grown so much, but still wants mom to knit him socks and bake him bread and cookies when she can.
People are one of those things in life that you can't change, they are and will be who they are, they might try to be different for a while but it doesn't last, or they might build a false image of who they want you to think they are but it does fall apart sometime. 
So, I pick up the pieces of my life and work on building my life, and now and then I look back at that past, or I stumble over an old memory, a dream tucked away and wonder why he wasn't honest about stuff that would come out in time, why when I did find out, he didn't see I was asking him to be honest and give us something we could fix and make work. 
Now, I don't make space in my life for anyone who could build a life with me, there is no place for long term, make a team stuff, there's this workable 2 single people who share time together, as we can and will make the time.  Not a future together thing, but a today thing and for Larry and I, that is what works, we care about each other but we have our own homes, our own lives and patterns and we work that well.
And I have my old house, my dolls and my creative arts, my few friends and my dig and silly loud parrots and I have peace.  Not problems other people have drug into my life, not financial disasters that I have to help dig out from. 
And not the dreams I once had, and some days I miss that having dreams stuff.